Writer’s Block.

Recently, I’ve viewed writing has been a mountain range that stretches for miles, and I’ve been coasting alongside it rather than crossing over it. I haven’t even attempted to cross over it. My laptop sits closed, and I’ve had “blog post” written on my to-do list for months. The lack of writing is unusual for me, but the strangeness has lasted for far too long at this point. Not writing has almost become the norm, and I love writing! I want to write and publish books, but I am not doing anything to help myself achieve this goal. Honestly, I feel as though a rock has been weighing on my heart, a dense fog keeps wafting through my brain, and I’m just walking straight into a clear glass wall repeatedly. I have been struggling to overcome this hump, so I finally decided to write about it. I might as well take advantage of my writer’s block.

Writing is one of my most treasured passions. It fulfills me in ways that I wish I could find elsewhere and I do not know where I would be without it. I love writing so much, but I rarely give myself time to do it. Yes, balancing a full-time job, personal health & wellbeing, a social life, family, career advancement, world events, and inner turmoil is hard, but I could also improve at carving out time to do something that I cherish.
Throughout college, I was writing constantly. I felt like I could not adequately express my experiences and thoughts without putting the words on a page. I was always itching to publish a new blog post and I loved the excitement that it provided. For the past couple of years, my goal has been to publish a blog post every other week. Clearly, that has not happened and more than feelings of shame or embarrassment, I feel sad. How can I call myself a writer or venture around telling people that I have a website if I’m not publishing anything on it? I do have a lot to say, but I am struggling with how to say all of it. My emotions have only grown more complex as adulthood and this world have become more complex, and being a perfectionist does not help these matters. I feel as though I’m racing against a societal clock, myself, and the twenty four hours in a day.

Due to these feelings of overwhelm, I’ve spent a lot of time embracing and inhaling the winter air this year. I love cold weather, but I truly have been using the colder temperatures to sort of shock myself into believing that my life is worth cultivating. I think that this has helped and I yearn to foster my passions once again.

I’ve seen it a few times before, but I was watching Set It Up last night, and I perked up at the scene during which Harper is complaining to Becca about her writer’s block, and Becca tells her to get it together (she hits her with a pillow) and write something regardless of its quality. Enough space exists for everyone and every piece of work, and “bad” writing is still necessary writing. As someone who centers human rights and social justice in everything she does and is uncomfortably vocal, I have an immense fear of my words being picked apart by keyboard warriors (as they have many times in the past). I overthink every word I write as I know that each one will be criticized by random people I do not know (or worse – people I do know), but I need to remember that someone will always be upset and it’s okay for me to create things that upset people. I cannot move an audience or enact change if I do not disrupt as well. I cannot be successful or create meaningful work if I run away from criticism.

Creating something is better than creating nothing at all. The time has arrived for me to push this rock off of my heart, clear my mind, and shatter the glass that is pushing against me. In his most recent book, The Message, Ta-Nehisi Coates mentions how his words reach places that he has not even visited and people whom he has not even met. He discusses the necessity of writing and how it can change the way people think or move through their lives.

“It may seem strange that a fight that began in the streets has now moved to the library, that a counter-revolution in defense of brutal policing has now transformed itself into a war over scholarship and art.” – Ta-Nehisi Coates, The Message (in reference to the murder of George Floyd & the attacks on critical race theory being taught in schools)

My writing is important. I can and should write about anything and everything. I am exhausting myself by conjuring up baseless excuses and being in my own way. The resources are, literally, at my fingertips and I need to use them. To grow as a writer, I need to write. To grow an audience, I need to write. To feel fulfilled, I need to write.

I am holding myself accountable. Prepare to be sick of me!

find me here
– instagram: @natashasohni
– podcast: Lots of Love (on Spotify, Apple, and other streaming platforms), @lotsoflovepodcast on instagram
– I made a Substack!!! natashasohni.substack.com