Are Any of My Thoughts My Own?

I am constantly trying to strike the perfect balance between consuming and creating. To create, importance exists in consuming as much art as possible because doing so teaches us about different cultures and views. I read so that I can write, I listen to music so that I can sing, and I stream podcasts and YouTube videos so that I can improve my own podcast. We pay attention to social media trends so that we can provide our own takes on them (whether we post them or not). All of this makes sense, but I fear that consuming so much at every second of every day has also turned us into zombies. We are encouraged to be unique and celebrate those who push societal boundaries, but we are ostracized when we share opinions or provide nuance that disconcerts mainstream opinions.

In the past, I have definitely fallen into the trap of believing and re-sharing the first tweet that I see on any given topic before researching it. It could’ve been celebrity gossip or political news, and my mind inherently thought that if someone were posting about it and it had tons of likes, then it must have been true. As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned to read comments, check news sources, and triple confirm anything that I see. A headline or an image, especially within character limits, often does not paint the full picture, and even expanding the post to the comment section or replies can already fill some of the gaps. People will often link their sources in these areas, and looking at these sources is essential to avoid spreading misinformation or fear mongering.

All of this could seem obvious to anyone with basic media literacy, but what scares me more is how little we question whether we actually enjoy what the internet tells us to enjoy, or how little we question the values and beliefs that news sources and people in power tout. We are taught to keep our heads in the sand while our personalities are manufactured for us.
In a world that is becoming more and more influenced by artificial intelligence and the algorithms that result from it, I cannot tell whether we are all just promoting things that we know will be approved by the masses rather than what we actually like. Are the influencers’ “must-have” items actually items that I must have? Is that $150 blanket really life-changing compared to the $20 one? Do I truly think that this artist’s new album is amazing or did I just see hundreds of tweets saying that it was? Does my opinion really align with Rolling Stone‘s or Pitchfork‘s or did they just tell me what mine should be?

This news outlet just posted about a tragic situation in another country, and since I was told that they were “progressive” and can assume that every one of their stances aligns with my beliefs, I can also assume that their reporting is accurate. Everything that I now know about said situation is based purely on this Instagram post that I shared to my story and sent to five other people. I’m suddenly an expert in another foreign affair; I have to be because I did not give myself any time to learn or research it. I believe that silence is violence, and I also think that we’ve been conditioned to be vocal about issues about which we do not know anything. Sharing the incorrect information is also violence, but one is critiqued more than the other.

If we do not prefer what everyone else prefers, we could be labeled as “pick me” or weird or problematic. If we only prefer what everyone else prefers, we could be labeled as basic, unoriginal, someone with zero personality. We should question what we see, but only to a certain extent, and most of the time, we don’t even know what that extent is until it’s too late.

20 somethings often write about how they’re discovering themselves and question their identities on a daily basis, and I am no exception. I do not think that this constant consumption of ideas and opinions can always help us find ourselves and the success in doing so probably depends on how secure we are already. Do we have the ability to discern between noise and critical thought? Is this even possible anymore?
In the past, many people have told me that I am an interesting person, but I worry that I do not have anything original to offer at this point. Anything I say or do could be authentic to me, but how do I know if it will read that way to anyone else?

Over the past several weeks, I have become more intentional about my time away from the screen or really any type of media. When I journal, I write about whatever comes to mind first, regardless of how it could sound to an outside person. I write down more of my likes and dislikes even if they are generally viewed as silly or unappealing. I feel confident in my social and political beliefs, and my integrity is very important to me, so I do not foresee myself ever backpedaling on those; I do want to continue to be critical of everything that I see online. I think a lot about every piece of content that I retweet or repost, and while this does require quite a chunk of emotional energy, in a world of disinformation, it is essential.

I want to trust that my thoughts are my own, but as a cog in this capitalist landscape, I do wonder how much of my being has been constructed for me by outside powers. How would it look for me to deconstruct myself and build myself again? Being the author of my own identity is surely worth a try.