(Some sentences may have been removed or slightly altered to maintain privacy. I think the core messages of this response are applicable to many situations which, in addition to privacy, is why I am not providing further context.)
1. Let me preface this by saying that my life does not revolve around you, regardless of however this may seem to you. I think it’s quite a bit of a stretch to say that everything I do and say signals to you that I like you. Additionally, I do not constantly want to be around you (or anyone else) and even if we were dating this would be the case because that’s just unhealthy. You know very, very well how I am as a person in terms of chattiness and the care I have for others. In light of not only defending myself because I don’t think I need to defend myself, I enjoy talking to you about the multitude of things we discuss because I look for depth when I converse with others and I find that, among other things, with you (which I think is a good thing). I think this is special. I appreciate how we can discuss, literally, any topic and I value that connection highly especially since, as you’ve claimed yourself, you’re not nearly as talkative as I am (which also contributes to how close we are and I don’t mean that purely from a relationship standpoint, but also even from a friendship standpoint).
As outgoing as I can be, I have, of course, been more so with you and I stand by my feelings in that regard, but I also do not think my feelings are unprecedented because of the depth and connection we have as I mentioned above. I also feel safe with you and again I really value that.
2. I agree that the difficulty to feel pure happiness is daunting as I question my own on a daily basis. I think half the battle is recognizing this, but you cannot allow this to hold you back from experiences as well. Relationships can only be harmful if you actively try to search for the happiness you’ve lost to depression and anxiety in that person and your relationship, but if you have the mentality in which you must discover this happiness intrinsically, which you’re more than intelligent enough to realize, you’ll be fine.
I think that if you’re seeing the right person, your growth can exceed your expectations and the right person will push you to pursue your own path as she is pursuing hers. You can grow together in that sense. I’m sure you can name many people who have impacted your life. Sometimes finding yourself is done in searching and learning about someone else. I’ve realized an incredible amount and have had many revelations from being single, but I also have had just as many from my past relationships.
Natasha Sohni 