As many know, Neeraj and I could not see each other in person this year for Valentine’s Day, so we sent each other care packages. As much as I wish I could have been in his arms, the personal touches included in his package made me smile so much. Everything that he does for me encapsulates our relationship perfectly. We find so much joy in surprising each other and doing small activities like this, and they make every day in our relationship feel like an adventure.
As I have mentioned previously, I have never experienced a relationship that is so secure and mature. He will say the things that I need him to say even when I do not know that I need to hear them, and even though we are just a few months away from two years of dating, I still find myself in shock. In the past, I spent more time panicking in my relationships than actually enjoying them, and I was often anxiety ridden for good reason. I was always ready to fight for my relationship when my partner would claim that he cannot do or be enough to make me happy. I was always ready to hear him say that I deserve more and better. My fear of these situations manifests itself even now, and every time Neeraj and I have a disagreement, I find myself rebuilding my walls. I brace myself for abandoned hope. I take deep breaths and prepare myself for the worst, but then he surprises me.
He surprises me by meeting me where I am. Leaving me does not cross his mind in difficult times. I am always prepared for the situation to erupt, but he will respond in the most constructive and kindest way possible. He is willing to be the best version of himself for me because he knows that I will always give him 100% of my energy and love.
I thought that I knew how it felt to be in love with your best friend based on my past relationships, but I really did not know this feeling until I found myself inside Neeraj’s embrace. In many ways, a bit of sadness exists in the fact that I am startled by the amount of respect that my partner has for me. I am startled by our abilities to work through any issues that arise rather than quitting on each other. I could pinch myself, but I would still be surprised.
Obviously, discussing anything over FaceTime or text is not ideal, but long distance has made me feel even more connected to him. I value his presence in my life so much and I know that he feels the same way, which is the best part. His silliness and whimsicality make me feel so light, but he is also present during the more important and serious moments. I have mentioned this many times already, but being in love with someone who has all of these characteristics, and is willing to work through heavy times, bewilders me.
I know that the blossoming of our relationship was a surprise to practically everyone, but its formation was a surprise to us as well. It was so unexpected, but he was the best surprise. This relationship was (and still is) the best surprise that I have ever received.
see you in less than two weeks, nee xo