I wouldn’t be where I am without other people. Further, as cliché as it sounds, I wouldn’t be who I am today without every single person I have had the pleasure of meeting. While I appreciate these folks, I feel a disconnect with most of them now after completing my first year in the world of higher education. I do not feel the same excitement I used to feel when seeing friends from my high school or chatting with anyone, really, from my hometown.
This troubles me. Am I ungrateful? Am I selfish? Am I just plain mean? These questions constantly penetrate my mind. So much has occurred in the past nine months. I’ve encountered new people, new situations, new events, and new classes. Everyone else has as well. Whether it was desired or not, we’ve changed. My views regarding the world and my relationships with others have taken a turn.
I am tired of trying to maintain a balance between my life in my hometown and my life in college. They’re separate, unfortunately, and although I can mold them together, I don’t see the appeal in doing so. I do not necessarily know why that is, but I am slowly discovering more and this is okay. If I care enough about someone from my past, I will make sure to keep him or her in the loop with my present (I’d expect the same in return).
Sure. I wouldn’t be who I am today without these people, but this shouldn’t stop me (or anyone else) from progressing and meeting people who wish for positivity and light to envelope my life. Quite frankly, the competitive edge overtook many in my hometown and due to this, I cannot say that everyone had everyone else’s best interests in mind. This was taxing.
I’ll never forget or disregard my roots, but I cannot prevent the steps I will take in letting go. I am incredibly thankful for those I have met and still consider all of them my close friends, but they only know the person I used to be. I am still Nat, but I have grown.