I often describe myself as someone who thinks with her heart. This rings true in every situation, but is especially true in romantic instances. Feelings and emotions always mean more to me than logistics. It is in my nature to do so and I do not try, or desire, to fight it. Given recent events, I have been pushed to evaluate more on why I do this, and I have arrived at a few interesting reasons.
Emotions inform my choices because this is what I saw in my own home. My parents are about to celebrate their 31st wedding anniversary. I am fortunate enough to have a prime example of true love right in front of me. They have not actually been in the same location to celebrate most of their anniversaries together, and this year will not be any different. Almost immediately after their wedding, they were apart for quite a while as they were pursuing their respective degrees and careers. My father has had to travel and reside in other places consistently for work since I was in first grade. For half of their marriage, they have not been able to come home to each other every day, or even for weeks at a time, but the love they have for each other is just as strong. My brother and I have been able to grow and learn from them, we have been able to visit so many countries and relatives as a family, and our group chat is occasionally riveting. At the same time, the house has felt lonelier without my dad’s presence, my mom was tasked with driving my brother and I to our various activities until I received my license, and pictures or videos of important events do not equate to being with one another in person. As I enter my senior year of college, I have not felt these effects as much over the past few years, but I still remember feeling frustrated when I was younger.
As I stated previously, I am so thankful, throughout all of this, to have an intact family unit nonetheless. Having parents who constantly fight for each other against logistics had a large impact on me as an impressionable youth. They married each other within a year of meeting. My mother proposed to my father. When I asked them how long it took them to know that their connection is unique, they said that they knew almost immediately.
I feel as though, even if you do not instantly think of marriage, you can quickly realize whether you see potential with someone. I know myself well enough to know what I need in terms of emotional depth and connection, and even if a million barriers are placed in front of us, I am always ready to break them.
I am unsure as to why I am so willing to fight for love and persist, but the intersection of personality and genetics probably has something to do with it. My father and I have similar temperaments, and he is quick to act on his emotions. My mother is detail-oriented, and even the smallest moments can have immense impacts. Both of my parents dislike taking “no” for an answer, and say yes to almost everything asked of them.
When he asks me to think logically while working through the challenges our relationship faces, I find difficulty in removing my feelings and emotions from the process of doing so. It is frustrating, but I cannot help it. What I can do, though, is acknowledge and explain why I think the way I do, and be mindful of this when navigating the twists and turns of dating, relationships, romance, or anything really. I understand that how we feel about each other has to take a backseat to other life events sometimes, and this is where the test of time plays a role. If our connection is still just as strong throughout and after the growing, experiences, and barriers we have presented in front of us, we will know.
My parents stood the test of time and I am here because of it. I fight for love because of it. I let myself fall and invest myself into others because of it, and I am proud to do so. Patience takes strength, and it is tough (as I stated in my last blog post, our story would not be worth it if it were easy), but only time can tell if something is meant to be.